She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
