if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
