Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
