party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
