So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I didn't notice because vodka
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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