gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We named our party play list daddy issues
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
