Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
