her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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