Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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