My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
