A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
