Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
