watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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