Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
