My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
