Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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