apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
wow bdsm is so cute
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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