Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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