Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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