I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
