He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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