i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
