Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
