but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
