just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
