I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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