ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
