I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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