I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
