it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
