Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
