Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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