I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
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