i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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