She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
