why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I will be naked everywhere
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
