I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
