I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
