I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
