Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Randomize
