She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
