I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
