Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
