yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize