Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
