I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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