You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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