I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
