New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
