Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
