Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think I am morally bankrupt
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
