we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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