that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
