Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
