The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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