Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
