Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
