I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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