i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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