I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
