I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
