I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
My vagina just recognized that song.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
