I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
