I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
