one two three fourrrrnication!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize