Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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