Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
