My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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