dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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